Episode 89: How to Get UNstuck (in Weight Loss and Life) Part II

Now that we understand the #1 thing that keeps us stuck (in weight loss and life), let's dive deep into my favorite exercise to get UNstuck...and building that life of our dreams...

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www.MindStrongFitness.com

Transcript

Becoming MindStrong Podcast: How to Get UNStuck

SUMMARY KEYWORDS
podcast alignment, fear of change, comfort zone, Albert Einstein quote, brain wiring, safety mindset,
fear vs. action, future self, neuroscience, internal-external mismatch, empowered mindset,
timid thoughts, practice fear, rewiring brain, life transformation

00:00
Welcome back to the becoming mind strong podcast, and I will tell you honestly, behind the
scenes the last episode of the podcast that it did about why we get stuck, why we stay stuck.
00:11
I did not intend for that to be a two part series. That
00:14
was supposed to be a one and done. This is the shining light of why we say stuck, and
sometimes, what
00:22
happens when I map out the podcast in advance? I'll
00:25
map out the topics I want to talk about. We'll talk about the we'll map out the order of things.
But typically, what happens? Because if you know me, you know I am such a big believer in
alignment, and things show up when they're supposed to. So I'll record a podcast, and then I'll
have a conversation with an Ignite member, and it's just this beautifully aligned moment of, oh,
this is why I recorded that podcast, and that literally happened today. As I'm recording this it is
a Monday and Friday before I signed off work for the day. I had no intention of recording the
podcast that day, but something in my gut, in my soul, was like, You need to record this
podcast now. And today, Monday, I get on a call with one of our Ignite members, and she starts
telling me what's coming up for her. And I am just like, Oh, now I understand why I needed to
record that podcast on Friday so urgently. Because even though it's not going to go live for
over a month. I need to send it to you right now, and my point in sharing that little backstory
with you is because that conversation shined a light for me that there is a part two to this
conversation, right? It's one thing for me to to point out. This is why we stay stuck. This is how
we're making decisions. And if you didn't listen that podcast, go back and listen to it first, right?
I relate it back to teaching middle school and how so many people would get annoyed with
middle schoolers because they're expecting them to make decisions as an adult, and that's just
not how our brains work. And the point in that, that analogy, so to speak, is, as adults, we treat
ourselves the same way we're trying to make decisions with the same brain that's trying to
keep us safe. And again, I'm not going to rehash that entire podcast episode. If you did not
listen to that one, go listen to it first, because today we're going to talk about Okay. I have
faced fear. I have braced myself for the sting of committing, of not only deciding to change, but
taking action. And there's kind of a part two to that, of how we can get ourselves into a mindset
of facing that fear, of making the spirit scary choices and of jumping off that cliff. So today is an
unintentional but much needed part two of why we stay stuck and most, most importantly, how
to get unstuck. Check it out. There's a great quote by Albert Einstein. You know, sometimes we
Google these quotes and they tell you they're they're by this person. And turns out, they never
said that. So I'm going to go off Google and say Albert Einstein said this quote, which I believe
to be true. And Albert Einstein says you can't solve a problem with the same mind that created
it. And when we talk about this feeling of of being stuck right, of sitting there and talking about
and wishing and hoping and saying, I need to change. I need to do something differently. And
as we talked about in that last podcast episode, right, what happens for most of us is we talk
and we talk and we wish and we hope and we pray. But what we're not prepared for is when we
get to the edge of that cliff, when it is truly time for What is that expression, the rubber to hit
the road, right to to take action. What happens for the vast majority of people is when it is time
for that action, when it is time for change, when it is time for the rubber to hit the road, if that's
the right expression, fear pops in. Because what we weren't braced for is that if we truly want
to change, if we want to jump off that cliff and make a change, we're not prepared for that
sting. We're not we're not prepared for that discomfort, right? And in the last episode, we
talked about, for a lot of people, that's financial. It's not always financial. It could be the
discomfort of of heartache. It could be the discomfort of logistics, finding a new place to live. Whatever that discomfort is, most of us don't want to feel it, so we regress right back into our
comfort zone. So here's Albert Einstein saying you can't solve a problem with the same mind
that created it. And I ended that last episode by talking about making decisions as your future
self. And that can sound super cheesy, that can sound super self helpy, but there is a truth to
that, and I want to really dig in here and understand why you know me well. By now, if you've
been listening the podcast, you know, I'm not about rainbows and glitter and unicorns. I'm
about neuroscience, right? I'm about psychology and human nature. So if your brain that exists
right now is designed for safety, which it is your brain is my brain is all of our brains are
designed for safety, right? It makes sense that. Without doing this work, of course, of course, at
that moment of discomfort, at that moment of jumping off the cliff, your brain is going to do
everything in its power to get you back to homeostasis, to get you back to your comfort zone.
And if we are trying to use that same mind, that same mind that is literally wired neural
connections wired in our brain that has been reinforced for decades upon decades of talking
about, I want to change, thinking about, I want to change, but then getting to the cusp of
change and letting fear, talk about, talk us out of it, the you that exists right now, unless you've
consciously done this work, the every human on this earth unless they have consciously done
this work. Our brain is literally wired to listen to fear and go back to our comfort zone. That is
the mind that's created the problem. So when we get to this cusp, when we get to this this cliff,
so to speak, and we're like, this is freaking it? Not another day, not another minute, not another
second, today is the day I take control of my health. You get on a strategy session with me. We
talk about the program. You're like, yes, Holy Grail, keys to the kingdom. Let's go. Then we talk
about investing in yourself. And again, for the 10th time, I'm going to say it again. I use this as
an analogy, because it's what I do all day, every day. Insert, leaving a toxic relationship. Insert,
getting into a relationship when you're you're afraid of being vulnerable. Insert leaving your
nine to five to start a business. Right? Doesn't matter. The topic, the brain that you have
reinforced for safety year after year after decade after decade, is the brain that created this
problem. Now I want to add a little caveat to that, right? Our brains are not a problem. It is
fantastic that our brains are designed for safety. If your brain wasn't designed for safety, you
wouldn't be here listening to this podcast by now, because you'd probably be dead. But the
problem is, and if you've listened to my content before, you know this, while we as humans
have evolved, our brains have not in a lot of ways. So right now, your brain literally doesn't
know the difference between the discomfort of leaving a toxic relationship of knowing the
discomfort of of investing in yourself when you're used to putting everyone else first, between
that and being eaten by a saber toothed Tiger, your brain doesn't know the difference. Fear is
fear. Fear equals death. Okay, so when I say your brain that has been wired for decades upon
decades upon decades is the brain that created this problem. I just want to add a little note
here. Safety is not a problem. Fear, not facing it, not acknowledging it for what it is that is a
sign that we're onto something new and big and badass. That's the problem. We cannot solve
the problem with the same mind that created it when I ended that last podcast by talking about
thinking as our future self. What this is not is rainbows and glitter and unicorns. What this is is
understanding that, quote, your brain as it exists right now is never going to be comfortable
taking that leap. It is never going to convince you to take that leap. Right? Sometimes I'll go
back to these strategy sessions. I get on these strategy sessions with with people. They tell me,
yes, these are the key, keys to the kingdom. I know I need this. It's only finances. It just feels
scary. And how do they end the call? Can I think about it? And I'll ask them, absolutely, there is,
I'm gonna, we're gonna work together when you are ready to do the work. But let me ask you,
what are you thinking about? Like,
08:27
be specific with me, is it? Is
08:29
this the program that's gonna change my life? Is, is Rachel is a good coach, or her coach is
thoroughly trained? What are we thinking about? Well, no, no, I know beyond a shadow of a
doubt that this program, I changed my life. I've read your book. I've been to your podcast. I
know this is what I need. It's just it's an investment, and that feels scary. So we talk about it,
we work through it. But the point I'm sharing this is this what I will tell them, because I'm
transparent about this, because this is not Rachel being a hard ass hard sell. This is the human
brain. This is neuroscience. I will tell them. Listen, if you need to think about this for 24 hours,
go think about it. We'll book in a call for tomorrow. Cool. What I can tell you is this, no one in
the history of ever has your brain convinced you, in 24 hours of thinking about it, to invest in
yourself. No one in the history of ever has sat with the thing that scares the crap out of them
and talked themselves into it when we're sitting with a big, scary decision, whether it's
investing, whether, again, it's leaving a relationship, getting into one, quitting our job to start a
business. When we do push ourselves over that cliff, when we do make the leap, it is not
because your human brain has decided, okay, this is safe. Let's do it. There is one thing and
one thing only that creates the catalyst for change, and that is not thinking your way into it.
That is thinking with a new mind. I'm going to say that again, that is not thinking your way into
it. It is not. Making a pros and cons list. It is not sitting in front of a mirror, beating your chest,
saying mantras. It is thinking with a new mind. So what does that mean? Rachel, like I am who I
am. How do I think with a new mind? There is a truth of humans that our brains cannot exist in
a world where the internal and external don't match. You've heard me talk about this in the
past. If you've hung out here, my favorite analogy. Analogy is that there is a startling statistic
that the average lottery winner blows their earnings within three years. And the answer is not
just because they came into a bunch of cash and now they're just going to spend, spend,
spend. The reason is because our brains can't exist in a world where the internal and external
don't match. So if you have a core belief that money makes you selfish, that money is the root
of all evil, that you having money takes away from someone else who's in need, well, coming
into more money doesn't do anything to unwire your brain for that limiting belief, all it does is
put you in a situation where your internal thoughts don't match your external situation. And of
course, which one is going to run out, right? This money's been in your hand for a year. Maybe
that deep seated belief has probably been there since childhood and has been reinforced and
rewired and myelinated for decades upon decades upon decades, looking for proof. Proof, proof
your whole life that, oh, look, that person's selfish. They have money. And every time you saw
proof, because this how the human brain works, that neural connection became more and more
coded with myelin. Now it is a deep, rooted belief. So coming into a bunch of cash doesn't do
anything except create conflict. Your belief system does not match your external circumstance. Which one of those has been around longer the belief system. So of course, we self sabotage.
So let's bring this back to where what we're talking about here today. If you have spent a
lifetime of talking, talking, talking about all this change you want to make, and you have spent
a lifetime of getting to that cusp of change, but letting fear, letting action, letting that sting,
letting the discomfort, push you right back into your comfort zone as a really, really deep
rooted neural connection right now and sitting there and thinking about it and writing pros and
cons lists and ruminating on it and losing sleep over it, I promise you right Now which one is
going to win. Promise you. The key to this is we have to start thinking as the person we are
working to be. And let me put a little caveat here as well. You are wonderful as you are when I
talk about unleashing our lives, stepping into our power, that is not because you are broken
right now. That is not because you can't love your life right now. And most of us have a version
of ourselves that we dream of, that we work towards, that we aspire to be. And what we're
talking about here is stepping into that person that already exists. We just have to get the
internal and external to start matching. So if we're tracking we now understand, as old Alby
said, we can't solve the problem with the same mind that created it. So the question becomes,
okay, Rachel, I get it like I have spent a lifetime wiring my brain to listen to fear, wiring my
brain for safety and for comfort. The question is, what's my choice? Right? I only have one
brain. So when you talk about making decisions from a second mind, what does that mean?
Here's what I mean by that. And I like to get really logistical about this, because, again, our
brains can't exist in a world where the internal and external don't match. One of my favorite, my favorite, not even one of my favorite. Exercise for this is to slap a label on the two versions
of you. Okay, so there is a version of all of us that is fear based, that is safety based, that is the
one that's been calling the shots and getting us back to homeostasis each and every time that
fear and action and sting and discomfort came up. Now we're not shaming that part. We're not
saying that part sucks. Get I wish you didn't exist. No, again, that part serves a purpose. It's
here to keep us safe, but what we need to do is retrain that part of us to say, hey, you know
what? I appreciate you. Thanks for being a little warning sign. But what you don't get to do is
drive the bus anymore, right? If you've listened to my content on fear, it's a very similar
conversation with the part of us that is fear based. So we're going to give that part of us a
name. Let's say your name is, Tina, okay, that that part of you might be timid, Tina, and it's
important that we put a label on this, because you're going to see, as we go on with this
exercise, that we're going to be referring to this part of you by name. Okay? Timid Tina has lots
of thoughts, lots of worries, right? What if I quit this job and and I don't make any money and
my business fails and I can't provide for my family? What if I go on this weight loss journey and
I invest in myself and I put in all this effort on on the other side? It doesn't work. What if it does
work and I can't maintain it and I gain all the weight back? What if I leave this person and five
years down the road, I realize that now I'm lonely and I wish I'd never made this choice, right?
Those are all fear based thoughts. It doesn't mean there's not any validity to them. Our brain
doesn't just spew random stuff at it. There is something at the core, where it's found a thread
of truth, and it is push, push, pushing on that bruise, but we can also recognize that those are
really fear based thoughts, and when we can shine that light of awareness, we can see, oh,
yeah, it makes sense why I am where I am right now. Because Tim and Tina, she is strong, she
is deeply wired, and she has been calling the shots. Now I'm going to talk you through the two
parts of this, and I'll walk you through the exercise. There is another version of you who is
standing in her power, who is living her unleashed life, who doesn't part of my French, does not
give a shit about the what ifs because she knows burn the boats come hell or high water. This
is what I was put on earth to do. Now, she comes in few and far between times, right? We don't, most of us, unless we have done this work, we don't live in that state, but we have moments.
You listen to a TED talk, you go to a Tony Robbins convention, right? Maybe you get sparks of it
on a podcast, and you're like, Yeah, let's freaking go. But the problem is that dies down really
quickly because Tim and Tina, she's been around a lot longer, but when we can tap into this
other side of us, that that is the version of you that we need to start letting drive the ship, that
we need to start making decisions as so when you're standing in your power, let's say that your
name is Emily. Okay, you probably should have planned these out in advance, but we're
making them out on the spot. Empowered Emily man, empowered Emily does not give a shit.
Empowered Emily knows burn the boats there's no plan B. Doesn't mean I'm not going to come
up with a budget and make smart decisions and have a business plan, but I was put on this
earth to be a coach, and I am going to fall on my butt 100 times, if I have to, but I'm going to
get up 101 and I'm going to do this. I know empowered. Emily knows that it is scary as heck to
invest in yourself, but she also knows what happens if she doesn't. So empowered, Emily knows
that she is the person who does the big, scary things so that she can live the life of her dreams.
These are two in your when we do this exercise, we're going to give them the same name,
right? You're going to use your name. You're going to come up with a cute name for the timid
version and the Empowered version. It doesn't have to start with the first letter of your name.
It's just kind of a cute thing. It's important that the name resonates with you, right? Sometimes
people say, Oh, empowered, Emily, but the word empowered doesn't actually do anything for
them. Maybe your word is unleashed, like unleashed, Rachel, right? That doesn't start bold,
start with R. Doesn't matter, but those are the words that resonate. I had an Ignite member
who we were using the word timid. And she was like, Oh, that's not what it feels like. It feels
like paralyzed, like I feel so stuck, I feel like I'm paralyzed. And that was the word that
resonated with her, Okay, so the first thing you're going to do is you're going to you're going to
give a name to the two parts of you, and when you give that name, don't just arbitrarily make it
up. Like we want to feel this in our body. When you lean into timidina, what does it feel like?
What does it feel like in your body?
18:25
Are you shrunken down? Are you tight? Are
18:26
you anxious? Is your head spinning? Is your stomach and knots? And create a name that
embodies those feelings for you, then take a breath, shake it off like literally, shake the energy
off. You maybe blossom. Taylor Swift, and we're going to ground ourselves. We're going to
center ourselves. So maybe you take a deep breath, close your eyes, whatever you need to do
to step into your power. Now, if that little voice in your head starts kicking up and telling you
this is This is so dumb, I never going to do this. Cool. We don't have to do it, and we could stay
as Tim and Tina, why not just play a game? Why not just see what happens? Right? Who
doesn't want to feel good? We're gonna release some dopamine for a bit, whether you ever use
it or not. Who cares? Let's just play a game for a little bit, right? Talk that voice down with we're
not committing to anything. That's just Rachel chick says it works. Let's just try it. When you
think as that highest version of yourself that Unleashed, empowered wherever your word is,
version of yourself. What does that feel like in your body? Right? Wait, if you listen to my
podcast, all you know I talk about my chest feels like it's ripping open, like there's light
radiating out and in at the same time. What does it feel like in your body, and what word do
you do you use as the label for that version of you? Now here's where we get to little. Get a
little cute. We get to get a little creative. I want you to take a piece of paper, blank, white
paper, if you can find it, draw a line down the middle, okay, on the left side. And I love doing
this in actually drawing. And if you know me, like I can't draw a stick figure, I suck at drawing.
Okay, but you're going to write the title on top, Tim and Tina, and under that, you're going to
draw a picture of what. She looks like, and make it silly, like shaking and sweating and tight in
her body. Maybe she's in a cage or a cube that she can barely move around. You can do it in
speaking bubbles. You can do it in thought bubbles. You can just write words around it. I want
you to write down the words that timid Tina talk, says, Tim and Tina talks and the thoughts that
she has. What if I try this and fails? What if I hit my goal and I can't sustain it? What if they
leave me? What if I fall in love and then they cheat on me again? Every thought that from a
fear based place Tim and Tina has then again. Shake it off. Remove that energy. Maybe you
take a break. Whatever you need to do. Move to the right side. Empowered Emily, or whatever.
Again, this is your name. You're going to use your name for both of these. I just couldn't think
of a T word on the spot. What thoughts does she think? What words does she say? She might
say things like, I was put on this earth to be a coach, and there is nothing that can stop me. I
know that failure is just data, so I don't care how many times I get knocked on my butt I am
getting back up. I know that living in a scarcity mindset is creating scarcity in my own business,
let alone in my life, and I lead by example, by investing in myself. I know that the people who
live the life of their dreams, face fear every day, and they do the scary things, what words,
what phrases, what thoughts, does empowered Emily, think, say and do. Okay, again, you're
going to draw a picture there. So maybe she's got big muscles, maybe she's wearing a cape,
whatever that feels like for you. Now, what you do with that is up to you. What I did with it
when I back when I did this exercise, and every once in a while I'll come back to this, but the
first time I ever did it, I put it front and center on my wall because I wanted to look that thing in
the face every day and ask myself who I was making decisions as I don't do that anymore. Maybe you live in a household with other people and you don't want them to see it, because
that feels silly. You don't have to do that. The point of keeping that front and center, however,
is that at every moment in life, you get to choose who am I making decisions as? And the
reason I'm big on these, these names is because it just, it's quick and dirty, right? It's quick and
easy. Instead of being like, Oh, am I making fear based decisions or making Empower like, No, my thing as Timothy, nor my thing, has empowered Emily like boom, boom, boom, who's
calling the shots right now and every moment in life you're going to have an opportunity to
practice now. I want to be abundantly clear about something, what you are most likely not
going to be successful at is doing big, scary things right off the bat, because you slapped a new
label on it, right? I don't suggest if you have, if you've been thinking about quitting your job for
10 years and you've timid, Tina has talked you out of it, maybe we don't practice by telling our
boss to screw off quitting that day and diving full in with the business that's a bit extreme, that
that's a lot of overload for our brain, but maybe at work, there's a tough conversation that in
the past you would have shied away from. So you leave the room, you take a breath and you
say, You know what Tim and Tina would have would do this over email. Tim and Tina would ask
someone else to handle this, but empowered Emily, she knows that she has every right to
speak up about this, and she can do it in a professional way while still speaking her truth. So
let's practice. Let's practice being empowered. Emily, it's going to be messy practice. It's going
to be imperfect practice, but let's just practice. And when we start looking for these tiny
emphasis on tiny little steps to practice, here's what starts to happen. Our brains cannot exist
in a world where the internal and external do not match. So when you start making choices,
when you start thinking, when you start speaking, because we can start red flagging the words
that come out of our mouth, is that a timid Tina statement, or is that an empowered Emily
statement? When we start living like this, people talk a lot about fake it till you make it live as if
kind of but that's not enough. It's not about faking it till you become something. It's already in
you. If you can think these thoughts, if you can have these aspirations, if you can tap into this,
guess what? It already exists in you. You're not faking anything. You've just spent decades
wiring into Medina, so now we're going to focus the other way. And with that's a huge
statement, by the way, if you just followed this, we are not faking anything. We are tapping into
a side that hasn't gotten enough time energy and brain wiring so far. And here's the beautiful
part, the more time you spend lead leaning into this, empower this, unleash this, best, highest,
whatever your word is, version of yourself, your brain. We know enough about neural
connections here, your brain is going to wire that way. You have no choice. You can't control
that, and because our brains cannot exist in a world where the internal and external don't
match you. Your life has absolutely no choice but to transform into the life that empowered
Emily is building. Where most people get stuck is they go through life day after day after day
trying to solve a problem with the same mind that created it. They're trying to talk timid Tina
into doing big scary things, and I love you. Let me save you the next decade of your life. Tim
and Tina is never going to make those decisions waiting for 24 hours about making an
investment. You're never going to talk yourself into it with a pros and cons list. The way we do
big scary things is by drawing a line in the sand, embracing, you know what fear is coming up
right now, because this is big and scary and new deep breath. I know that if I'm about to face
fear, there is some kind of sting that's going to come with it. It's going to be financial, it's going
to be heartache, it's going to be logistics, it's going to be time, it's going to be energy, it's going
to be all of the above. I also know that I have lived a life as Tim and Tina. Finally, I know that I
am freaking done, not another second of this one precious life I'm given. Today is the day and
Tim and Tina. She's not gonna be the one to make this decision, but empowered Emily, oh, she
will freaking do this. So if I'm need to lean into her and channel her right now, let's freaking go
and we leap, and our brain gets more and more proof. I encourage you, as hokey as it might
feel, as cheesy as it might feel, do this exercise. Grab a piece of paper. Come up with your
timid Alter Ego. Come up with your empowered Alter Ego. Draw a picture around it, put every
thought feeling action that comes with each one. If you're willing to stick it on your wall to
stares you in the face every day, put on your bathroom mirror, if that feels silly for you, if you
don't want people around you seeing it cool that you don't have to do. You don't have to do any
of this, but you don't have to do that part. But start finding little areas in your day, not big, massive ones, not major life overhauls, right? Our brains are designed for safety. Find little
areas in your day where you can start practicing what would empowered Emily do? Oh, wait a
second, that sounds like a timid Tina thought, Huh? Okay, I caught you. I see it. And when you
start red flagging this, forget it. Game over. You can't unhear it. What would empowered Emily
do right now? And the beauty of the human brain is you don't have to force this right? It's the
same conversation we have here about nutrition, about weight loss. Our only job is to get a
snowball rolling down a hill, because every time we repeat a thought, we repeat an action,
myelin coats our brain, and because our brain cannot exist in a world where the internal and
external don't match. If the only thing we focus on, I'm gonna put only in huge air quotes, if the
only thing we focus on is which part of us that already exists within us, which part of us we're
putting time attention, focus and energy on, our brain is naturally going to rewire to be that
person, and our world is organically going to transform.