Episode 183: "I Thought I Was the One Who Was Broken" Linda's Story

"I thought I was the one that was broken." That's the belief Linda carried for years, until she discovered it was never a lack of willpower. Hear how understanding her body transformed not only her weight loss journey, but her energy, confidence, and relationship with food. 

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Transcript

Becoming MindStrong Episode 183: "I Thought I Was the One Who Was Broken" Linda's Story

Speaker 1  0:00  
I just thought I don't have the mental capacity to do this anymore. I don't have the willpower. I don't have the skill set. I'm just a failure at this. I just thought I'm the one that's broken. I need a pill to fix it. That moment feeling like okay, maybe there is a little light. You know, I just you know sometimes you have to kind of feel like you're in the dark for that light to really kind of penetrate and and gosh I just I just feel better I feel I feel so much better I feel powerful for the first time

Speaker 2  0:38  
I cannot wait to share my conversation with Linda with you for two reasons. Number one, something that I talk a lot about here, and I'm going to intentionally repeat, is that we we kind of work with two types of women in terms of background. We work with lots of women who are like Rachel. I have struggled with weight my entire life. Then menopause hit and things got 10 times worse. That's we're gonna call it category A. I hate putting people in categories, but for ease of conversation. Then we work with a lot of women who are like Rachel. I've never had to think about this stuff my entire life. Like now menopause hits, and this becomes a self identity issue because I am never someone who struggled with weight. Maybe I was an athlete in the past. Whose body is this? Who is this self identity rabbit hole? And one of the reasons that I love sharing these conversations on this podcast or on YouTube, wherever you're watching it, in our community, is because different stories are going to resonate differently. So part of what you're going to hear in my conversation with Linda is that you know she was listening to the podcast, she was watching the videos, and she was hearing a lot of people who are like, "I've struggled with weight my whole life, and for her, she's like, "I loved hearing the stories because they inspired me, but they didn't resonate. And then she heard a few stories from Category B again. I hate that, but we're going to use it here. Of women who are like, "Yeah, I never thought about this stuff, and then whose body is this? And those were the stories who gave her hope because that was her story. She'd always been an athlete. She never had to think about this. So that's part one. If if that's your backstory, I never had to think about this stuff before menopause. You're gonna love Linda's story. Number two is this: we talk a lot about in our world of mind trung. We tend to attract a certain type of woman. She tends to be highly educated, highly driven, which in some ways makes the frustration worse because it's like I am an intelligent woman. Why can't I figure this out? And the part of Linda's story that broke my heart, and you'll hear her talk about it, is the the blame she was putting on herself. You'll hear her say, "Rachel, I I hit a point where I was like, maybe as I've aged, I just lost willpower. I just wasn't as driven as I used to be because I feel like I'm doing everything right, but the problem's getting worse. So it must be me doing something wrong, and the Linda on the other side. Not only is she back in the driver's seat, not only does she have that control back, but the shame, blame, guilt stopped because you're going to hear she leaned heavy into the education piece of this program. My my goal with this program is always to overeducate you, right? You don't have to grasp all of it, but I want to reach in my brain. I want to take everything I know. I want to give you as much of it as you want to take. If you don't take all of it, great. You'll still get results because you've got your coach. But for those who are like me and like teach me, teach me, teach me, I'm going to overeducate you. And Linda, being a highly intelligent-driven woman, went hard on the education piece. So on the other side, she could zoom out and stop the shame, blame, and guilt, and say, "Oh, this wasn't a willpower issue. This wasn't something I was doing wrong. I had the wrong tool bag. The tool bag in my 20s, early 30s, early 40s didn't work anymore. Now I have the education. Now I have the new tool bag. Now I understand it wasn't me doing something wrong. I was trying to, I don't know, an insert Ms. Fixit analogy here. I was trying to use the wrong size screwdriver to put the screw in the wall. It didn't fit, and I thought something was broken. I just needed a new tool, so without further ado, I cannot wait for you to dive into Linda's story. Check it out.

Speaker 2  4:27  
I love these conversations. Today's guest, Linda, and I were chatting a bit before I hit record, and man, it just it makes my heart happy. I don't care if I've been doing this for 10 years or 100 years. When I hear people say things like "it just makes sense, right? I love the education piece. I'm like, my job here is done. That makes my heart happy. So I'm so excited for the conversation ahead. And Linda, thanks so much for taking the time to join us today.

Speaker 1  4:54  
Absolutely, thank you for having me.

Speaker 2  4:56  
Yeah. So let's start way back in the beginning. Pre ignite. I like to think in moments. So, do you remember a moment where sometimes I describe it as not another day, minute, or second? It was like something needs to change. Can you tell us what that moment was and why specifically Mindstrong was the decision to make that change?

Speaker 1  5:19  
Absolutely. I I think that I can remember the moment very clearly. It was late in the day, late in the evening, honestly. And I'm scrolling, and I'm scrolling, and I know that's not a great habit to have, but just feeling lost, and it's almost like that. That scrolling is a habit, just just feeling like there's nothing that I can do that I've done before that's going to make me feel better and lose the weight that I have been carrying, and I just saw you know a little ad. I don't know what I put out in the world that it popped up in my feed, and so I watched your, and I was like, I can watch this hour Zoom, and there's no strings, there's no cost,

Speaker 2  6:06  
no sales

Speaker 3  6:07  
bitch. What is this? No, I

Speaker 1  6:08  
mean, I was just like, yeah, I, I, they're gonna let me watch this, and then you know, I, I look, I've got my little Mindstrong notebook. I look back at my notes. It's probably starting on page seven or eight of this little notebook. My life is notebooks. I don't know if anybody. I love that. But so many of my notes are. I mean, going back for 20 years. You know, this day, this wait, this is what I've done. And a lot of times, I just throw those notebooks away because I don't want my kids to find them. I'm embarrassed by it. And the the weeks leading up to that, watching that first call, it's just it's dripping with frustration. Everything that I'd done before wasn't working, and and you know I I just thought I don't have the mental capacity to do this anymore. I don't have the willpower. I don't have the skill set. I'm just a failure at this, and it was kind of like I'm gonna just be this size, and you know, kind of have that self loathing that's just followed me since I was a kid. And I think just seeing that video, thinking like, okay, there's actually like some education here, and I remember you know that moment feeling like okay, maybe there is a little light, you know. I just you know sometimes you have to kind of feel like you're in the dark for that light to really kind of penetrate, and it was just the right moment.

Speaker 2  7:44  
Ah, yes. And I love that what resonated for you was the education piece, right? Because that we were talking a bit about this off camera, but the story I tell all the time because it's my capital T truth is I hate this industry for all the reasons you just said. Like maybe I just don't have willpower for this. Maybe I just can't do this right. And the thing that I want to shout from the rooftops is, this is not a willpower issue. This is an education issue, right? Living off restriction is literally fighting our human nature. But when we can do this in a way that just makes sense, it puts ourselves in the driver's seat, and we can let go of all that that loathing that you spoke about,

Speaker 1  8:22  
absolutely, absolutely. I mean, I think as an educator, that cliche. It's not. I mean, you hear it so much. Knowledge is power that people don't even think about it. But I've been thinking about that statement so much because I feel powerful for the first time. You know, I feel powerful in different segments of my life, but I've never felt powerful when it comes to my health. I've never felt like I had the knowledge to really successfully implement something. I mean, I I could read you know read a million books and and annotate and do that plan. And I remember you said in the call, you can put your blinders on to do anything for a set amount of time, and that was so freeing to me to think. Oh, so it's not going to just be 12 weeks in magic. I, I mean, and honestly, that's helped me feel less of the guilt when I do, you know, have chocolate or ice cream, you know, whatever it is. I remember you've talked a lot about the donut. You you can't live a life without the things you love, and knowing that it's I I could have it, and then I it's like it's like the guardrails. I say that to my coach all the time. You've just put guardrails on my life. That it's like when you play when you bowl. I don't know if you bowl the

Speaker 2  9:40  
bumpers. Yeah, the

Speaker 1  9:41  
bumpers. It puts the bumpers on, and I might just get one pin down on a given day, but I'm not going to go in the gutter. And you know, when you're in the gutter, you feel so horrible about yourself, and and so I'm not. I'm not going in the gutter. That's such a

Speaker 2  9:58  
great analogy because. Yes, I mean that's what diet culture is, right? It's either I'm hitting strikes or I'm in the gutter. There's no in between.

Speaker 1  10:04  
Yes, yeah. I mean, and I, I really, I mean, probably starting in oh, I don't know, fifth grade, I got a girdle, well-meaning, you know, family, you know, slim fast, and then from then on, you know, like anything, and I could get quick results, you know, doing various things, but I just never felt like I owned it, you know, like it was like I'm going to do this program or that program, but not really have the knowledge that I needed. And I think initially, like probably a lot of people, I came into this thinking about weight loss, but I, I just had this moment where I'm like, I the food that I put in my body impacts my anxiety. It impacts so many more things than I thought it did, and that was like the epiphany of you know what I I might you know I want to lose weight, but what's most important to me now is feeling good and knowing, you know, how food is affecting my body and understanding macros. And I will say, I've read about macros. I was like, I can't do that math. Like, I, I just was like, nope, I'm not going there. But I mean, it's, it's. I feel like I've learned now how to do it. You know, and and gosh, I just I just feel better. I feel I feel so much better.

Speaker 2  11:25  
I love that. I love that. And it's it's so true. That's one of my favorite things to hear people say is like, yeah, the vast majority of women we work with, not all of them, but most of them are coming to us for weight loss. And when you start feeling better in your body, that aha moment of like, oh, there's actually a lot more to this than just weight loss. It's how I feel. It's my energy. It's my sleep. It's my anxiety. Like those are the boxes that really count at the end of the day.

Speaker 1  11:51  
Yeah, I mean, and I would just say energy wise, like I just trained myself that carbs were bad, and like even even now, my macro carb number. I'm like, really? I can really have this, and my energy. That was something. The first few weeks, my coach, you know, kind of laughed at me because I was like, well, this is what I ate for breakfast, and this is how I felt. And she was like, Linda, because you're fueling your body. Like I was just so used to thinking, oh, I'm tired for this reason, or I'm hitting this slump for that reason, or all these external things, but then to realize I can eat food and I can eat food and feel good. I mean, I hate to say, I I feel like that's something I should have figured out much younger. But that this this relationship with food, this feeling like I was always battling with this and not that, and I mean, I just think about the years of my life where I was just like absolutely not on carbs, or you know, and and of course with life, you know, with kids and celebrations, there's always going to be opportunities, and so it was like either you know a piece of cake or absolutely nothing. But learning about carbs that I enjoy-that you know-and still being able to have that piece of cake too. But it's just-it's-it's really healed my relationship with food in a way that I just-I really hadn't anticipated.

Speaker 2  13:15  
Yeah, I love that you just use that phrase. I don't know if you know this, but I used to say, doing approaching nutrition this way will change your relationship with food. That's how I used to say it for the first few years of Mind Strong, and over the years we've changed that to this will heal your relationship with food. And the reason I've started using that terminology is it's the number one thing that we hear from people, and my favorite part of it is you don't have to work for that part, right? I don't. I don't think anything you've said so far has implied that you came into this saying I need to heal my relationship with food. But when it happens organically, when we stop labeling foods as good, bad, allowed, not allowed, it's by nature healing. And on the other side, it's like, where was this 20 years ago? Like I could have been eating carbs this whole time.

Speaker 1  14:01  
Well, I mean, yeah. I mean, I just think about like fruit. I mean, there have been phases of life where I'm like, I'm sorry, you know,

Speaker 2  14:07  
yeah,

Speaker 1  14:07  
blood sugar spikes, yada yada yada. But like figuring out how to make everything work, and and the magic of it. I remember you said on one of the early calls, like, we're not just going to hand you what to eat. Like that's part of what you're learning is figuring out what to eat, and I will say that first day, I kind of had a panic moment because the night before I really was like, "Oh yeah, I'll start this tomorrow. And then I woke up that next morning, like, you know, how am I going to handle this? And then, yeah, I became a person that the night before I would kind of sit down and say, "Okay, here's what I've got going on, and now I think about it from a week standpoint. Like, yeah, you know, it's into the year, it's May, all these celebrations, you know, and like, okay, so I know it's going to be tricky to figure out what I'm eating when on these days. So these other days, it's I'm going to be able to watch more closely, and just having that. That that guardrail. I know. I keep kind of saying it, but it just even when like I you know went on a family vacation where I had no control. It was it was extended family, no control really over what we were eating when and how. And my coach was so great. I mean, she was just like you know try to focus on your protein and hydration, and do what you can. But I think, like past me, thought, "Oh, I'm going to get in trouble because I should have joined this course after this trip. And she's like, "No, this is this is life. And I was like, "You're right. I'm learning this for life. It's not a quick fix. And so that you know, like a day where I I haven't hit the targets that I wanted to hit, I I'm not beating myself up because I'm like, there's always tomorrow, and the rest of my life to have this knowledge. Like, no one's gonna take it away from me now. I have it now. You know?

Speaker 2  15:56  
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love what you just said about vacation because back. So the the strategy session that everyone starts with back in the day when Mindstrong was a one woman show and I used to do all those, that was something we heard a lot. It's like, well, I have a vacation coming up, so I should start afterwards. And I was always like, should you? Right, because I would hope if if the intention here is a tool that we have for the rest of our life, I'm gonna hope that sometime in the rest of your life you're gonna take family vacations. So, what better time to learn to master this skill than when you have a coach holding your hand, making sure you're getting back on track after the fact, giving you words of encouragement? Like, I don't know about you, but for me, I'd much rather learn to do this in real life, in real time than those horse blinders, perfect behavior. Then you graduate and you're like, oh crap! Now what do I do? Right? Like let let's practice life while we have a coach. Yes.

Speaker 1  16:50  
Well, and and really, it was kind of nice because you know I I'm a social eater and I I I don't want to make anybody feel bad. I don't want to be like, well, I'm going to eat this and you eat that, so you know I'm eating you know kind of willy nilly, and I noticed so clearly how I felt. And before, I think I would have had a nebulous idea of why I felt how I felt, but I was like, oh, this is how I feel when I eat like this. And so it became more than just you know how my clothes fit or whatever. It was like I want to feel good. I mean, there's so many things in the world I can't control, but if I can do something to not control-it's not the right word-but if I can do something where I feel a sense of ownership, and it can impact how I sleep, how I feel, then that's motivation to do it. I mean, it's it's like, and yeah, yeah,

Speaker 2  17:46  
yeah. That's such a powerful statement because you know, as humans, if we're if our goals are so far off, it's a lot harder to stick with them, right? Should I eat this donut in this moment? Well, if the measure of yes or no is will I gain weight, most of us don't really care because that's the impact is so far down the road. But I use this all the time because you know I love donuts, right? It's like I know I can have this donut. The world's not going to end. And to your point, I know how I'm going to feel after I have it, right? Feel really good for about 30 seconds. Then the sugar drop comes in. Then I feel terrible. Then the inflammation comes in, so it's that power of choice. It's and it's not the power of choice of like how will this impact me six months from now. It's like how do I want to feel in an hour?

Speaker 4  18:31  
Yes, and

Speaker 2  18:31  
I think that's such a a stronger measure of decision making on a day to day basis.

Speaker 1  18:38  
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely, I completely agree.

Speaker 2  18:42  
So let's go back to moments for a second. I love that you remember the specific moment of how you were feeling of finding us being as far along as you are now. If you had to describe a moment or moments, it could be internally for yourself, it could be extrinsically from someone else. Do you remember any moments or moments where it's like, wow, like things have really changed, and that might mean physically, emotionally, mentally, all of the above. And again, it might be for you or someone else. But do you remember any of those moments?

Speaker 1  19:14  
Yeah, I I think, and generally it happened when I I felt like I was having you know these moments of tracking, moments of tracking, and then I'm at some event, and then I'm like, oh, you know, this is this is how I feel when I eat this way or when I drink this way, and I think too, like having Stephanie, having my coach to process things. Like I, again, I said I was scared of math, so I was logging food as fluid ounces instead of ounces. I don't know why I didn't notice the little FL and how different that was. So I was meticulously making making sure I was plus or minus three every day, and then on Friday realized that I'd been. Fluid ounces, so I'd gone over multiple days without realizing that I'd gone over, and I kind of had this panic, like I can't even do this, I can't even manage this app, I can't even manage this, and I I just did a Voxer message to my coach because I think as as a as a teacher, I think I have a lot of perfectionism. I know I always have had that kind of sense, and I was like, I've failed this test. But her response was, you know, very nurturing, very kind, and saying, "No biggie, you know, just just move on. And and I think having someone else kind of cheerlead me out of that and realize, okay, yeah, I did mess that up. And you know, I re there have been days where I was like, oh, I forgot to log that, and you know, that's I'm going to go back and log it because I forgot to log it. But it's that I I felt such support and grace through the education, through my coach, that I'm not, I I'm not as perfectionist in this regard as I once was. Like I love it. I'm not going to tell you I'm a little competitive, and when I am plus or minus three zero, it's like I've won some kind of game, and I'm really proud of myself. Yes,

Speaker 2  21:23  
as you should be. I wish that we could make confetti come out of the apps, right? Like, wouldn't that be great?

Speaker 1  21:28  
Well, because I real, I think I had a moment where I saw that I didn't get a star the day before, and I was, I felt like someone punched me. I'm like, what do you mean I didn't get a star? I was one star. I looked back, and I was like, well, maybe that's why I do star. But silly, that's hilarious. hilarious. Woman, but like, it just it was. I mean, honestly, it's it's that guardrail thing again. Like, I feel like if I'm if I'm kind of following this, and and I think at some point, you know, I used to say I'm never not going to track. But honestly, like if I have a rhythm of understanding portion sizes and understanding how food makes me feel, then I could see not the rest of my life, but you know, I just think like having this tool and and you know my notebook full of you know inflammation and cortisol and sleep and overage days and all this content, and I, I, I honestly, in my coaching calls, a lot of times will say, "Oh yeah, I went back and reread my notes on this because I was feeling this way. I mean, it's like I'm studying for a test, you know, like prepare for an exam, but I'm the beneficiary.

Speaker 2  22:41  
Yeah,

Speaker 1  22:42  
it makes sense. But like, I am learning this for myself, and I am taking this and being like, "Oh, okay, that's what's happening. This is what's happening here, and and so specific to me because I can figure it out and have a coach along the way, so

Speaker 2  23:01  
oh, you are Linda. If we could just clone you, star student. You know, one of the things we always say is the work works when you do the work, and the more you dive in, the more successful you're going to be. So your notebooks, your studying, like yes, yes, yes, yes. Just bottle that up, and we'll we'll give it to every Ignite member. I mean,

Speaker 1  23:20  
really, and I just-I mean, seriously. Like, I-I'm-I think I'm in every-I full-time job. I'm in a too many volunteer organizations, three kids, you know, the whole nine yards. But it's like this is just for me, and it's for my long-term flourishing. So I can be better at these volunteer gigs. I can be better at my job. I can be a better wife and parent, and yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2  23:48  
That that's a mindset shift that so many women need to hear, right? Like, you cannot cannot show up for your family and friends if that oxygen mask isn't on, and we are so conditioned to believe otherwise. It's it's such a tough pill for so many women to swallow.

Speaker 1  24:03  
So so hard, so hard. And I think the flexibility of the course material. It's not like you have to watch this on Wednesday night, or else, you know. It's like knowing that it's there and watching it, and and yeah. I mean, I I just remember the morning my husband, this pre mind strong, was like, I just don't know what wife I'm going to wake up with, and I was like, I don't know either. I wish you're not wrong. I'm not. I don't want to come unglued all the time, but I don't know why it's happening. You know, and gosh, and I really appreciated how you talked about you know HRT can do this and it can't do that, and like all this knowledge. It's like you, just you know, specialize in this time of women's life. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2  24:48  
My joke that's not a joke is I pray that I have to find something else to teach at Mindstrong 10 years from now because this is. I mean, the knowledge that you're gaining, it's kind of infuriating. Why aren't we being taught this in school, right? How are we at this stage? Of life, and this is the first time someone saying, "Here's here's the college course in menopause that we should have gotten back in college.

Speaker 1  25:07  
Well, and I was talking to my primary doctor about it, and he was like, "You know, I had about one hour of nutrition education in college in med school or whatever. I don't, and but he was listening to me. Like I think for years I've been saying energy weight, energy weight, and he prescribed antidepressants, and I would get them, but then I wouldn't want to take them, or I would take them for a while, and da da da da. Like I just thought I'm the one that's broken. I need a pill to fix it. Not to say that you know I'm there. Pills that are helpful and fix a lot of things, but that I this this is this is the medicine that I need.

Speaker 2  25:43  
Yeah, yeah, it's true that right now I don't know if you know this. We have three female doctors going through Ignite right now, and every one of them has said the same thing. When when I do the meet and greet for new members, they said I'm not just here for myself, and because I'm here because I was never taught this in med school. So when my female patients are coming to me, I don't know what to tell them, and I know I'm doing them a disservice. I'm like, I just want to hug you through this, like you are saving society. Thank you. But it's so it's so true. It's just like how it's not that doctors are trying to gaslight us; it's that they're not being taught this stuff. Yeah. So it's you're it's such a common thing we hear of, like, where was this 10 years ago, 20 years ago? And my favorite expression is, you know, best time to start was 20 years ago. Second best time to start is now. All right, last question, favorite question. I want to put you in the coach's chair for a second. I want you to pretend that instead of Rachel, founder of Mindstrong, on this side of the call, that I am preignite, Linda. I'm feeling the same way that you were. Who knows which version's waking up today, right? Maybe I'm just stuck this way. Maybe it's a willpower issue. What do you, Coach Linda, say to me, Rachel, about the journey that I'm considering going on.

Speaker 1  27:04  
Wow, you know, I I think being patient with yourself. Don't don't allow that voice in your head that tells you you can't do this to win. Yeah. Remember, the Shel Silverstein poem. I don't know if you read that when you were a kid. The Belinda May one, where she's got the big whale and she's like, "I'm going to eat this whale. And yes, she took little bites and she chewed very slow. And by the time, you know, she's 98 years old or whatever, she's eating the whale. But I mean, I don't want to wait till I'm that old. But that incremental progress, like you can do this. Don't don't believe that you can't just because you haven't yet. So just take those little bites, and you know, and and the little bites are you know, of course, the food, but it's also the content, you know, and and I can't remember what module it was. I I was like, wow, it's first time I've heard any of this, and I'm like writing curiously. But I think before I would have felt intimidated by that, like this is over my head. I can't do this. But I took I I went back through and I looked at my notes again, you know, and I the video is there, so I watched the video again and just feeling like I I can do this, and you know, just just knowing that you've got that coach, you've got that support. I mean, I just I I I can't say enough good things about my coach and what an incredible person she is, and how she has made me feel. I I want to cry. Feel silly. I

Speaker 2  28:43  
love this.

Speaker 1  28:44  
But how she's made me. It's taken you know all these years of life to feel like there's someone that's got to guide me through this, and she doesn't have an ulterior motive. She's not trying to peddle anything. She's just another woman who's you know in this stage of life, who's there to listen and help and provide her support and knowledge, and it's incredible. You can do it.

Speaker 2  29:10  
Oh, I love I love that talking about your coach makes you emotional. I don't know if you saw. So this past Wednesday we did a lunch and learn with one of our head coaches, and I asked her what's your favorite part of being a coach at Mindstrong, and she said, "Being the person who gets to hold space for our women, and I was like, "That that's such a beautiful statement. Like, say more. And she said, "Well, think about it. When we're kids, we have our teachers, we have our parents. When we have adults, maybe we have a spouse, but even then, not a lot of people understand what we're going through, and they have lives and they have careers. Like, there's not many people anymore who are just there to hold space and support us. And she was like, "What a privilege to be in that role that I get to do that for all my members. And I was like, "Oh my gosh! Like, this is what makes great coaches, right?" It's the fact that you're talking about your coach getting emotional because you have that connection, you have that support, and as you said, with no ulterior motive except that we all want the same goal.

Speaker 1  30:09  
Yes, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2  30:11  
Oh, that's so beautiful, Linda. I cannot thank you enough. I know there are so many women out there who, I mean, I've been doing this long enough to know I can say capital T truth that are feeling like you feel maybe this is just how life is now. Maybe I just lack the willpower. And hearing your story of like, oh, actually, all I needed was the education, and I'm fine. Like the amount of hope that's going to inspire is next level.

Speaker 1  30:37  
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Speaker 2  30:45  
For more information on Mind Strong Fitness or to apply for a free one-to-one strategy session with my incredible all-female team, visit www.mindstrongfitness.com.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai